Category Archives: Humour

What Are The Chances Of That?

"Helga", my Porsche 911, behind a tree
Resolution: 1247 x 1870

For the last couple of years, I’ve been working fairly regularly with a chap called Carl. The other day a group of us were chatting, and got to talking about cars we had owned. Among others, Carl had once owned a very souped-up Ford Escort. To explain how fast it was, he pointed out that he’d once “burned off a Porsche” in it.

My ears pricked up, and I interjected “You know, that once happened to me in my Porsche. I was at a set of traffic lights just outside Croydon, and some imp in a mark I Escort pulled up alongside, turned to me with a very cheeky grin, and then left me standing when the lights went green.”

And Carl said “The Sutton bypass. About 1987. Tobacco brown 911 with no rear wing.”

Yes. We were describing the same event from opposite sides of the dotted White line. It was him!

———————

We all occasionally experience odd coincidences, but this has to be a pretty wild one by any standards. It got me thinking – what are the chances of re-encountering someone from an anonymous past event like this?

I reckon that a significant part of the British population have timelines which will never intersect mine at first or even second hand. However between places I have lived and worked, places with which I have family, friend or work connections, events I attend and routes I travel the number of intersections in a lifetime (counting any individual once) must be quite large. Let’s say it’s 10 million. This includes “knows someone I know” and “in the same place at the same time” as well as more direct interactions.

Now I also reckon that I work with perhaps 20 or 30 people at any one time closely enough to have such a conversation, and that group changes at a rate of perhaps 10 people a year. Others might put the figure higher, but let’s use that for now. Therefore since 1987 maybe 250 people have added to that group.

It’s therefore very easy to come up with a crude estimate of the probability that some individual I crossed in my youth would end up working with me, at about 250 in 10,000,000, or 1 in 40,000. That’s about half the chance of winning £10 with a three number match in the British lottery.

However, that’s just the “latent coincidence probability”. You then have to factor in the chance of actually discovering it.

To come up in conversation at a range of 24 years an event has to be pretty memorable to at least one party, and recognisable to another. Trivial or indistinct events get forgotten. I suspect our traffic lights grand prix was one of many for both Carl and myself in our youth, but it’s memorable as the one in which the ancient Escort beat the (almost equally ancient) Porsche, in a way which left my friend and I in my car laughing rather than anything else. I have forgotten almost all the others, where Helga did what Porsche built her to do, and won.

There’s also an upper limit on memorability. If events are too dramatic or tragic they will also preclude conversation.

Even if you have a history of memorable events, they may just not come up in conversation. Carl and I have worked together for a couple of years, and not discussed old cars before. The topic could easily have come up when I was not in the room, or just not listening, and not been repeated.

These factors are more difficult to quantify, but I reckon there’s probably only a 1 in 100 to 1000 chance of discovering the co-incidence at the 24 year range of my example. So for a single event involving just one other main party we have a net probability of the order of 1 in 10 million that I’ll work with that other party, and then discover it. That’s about the same as winning the UK lottery jackpot!

Three factors make things more likely. Obviously if more than one other person was involved this increases the probability proportionately. There’s also a smaller than 10 million group of people whose paths are likely to cross several times because of location or other factors.

You also have to consider that most people have a pool of such events to draw on. We’re talking about events which would merit a special mention in the pub, a couple of paragraphs in the letter home, maybe a blog rather than just a tweet in today’s parlance. I reckon I accumulate these at the rate of one every few weeks. Therefore since my memory became really active, I have maybe 40×25 such events, a convenient 1000 to draw on.

Thus the probability for a given event is ~ 1 in 10 million, but the probability of any such coincidence drops back to ~ 1 in 10 thousand, and maybe down to 1 in a thousand for events based on a home location, a favourite sport or similar.

Now I reckon I’ve had a couple of such coincidences in my career. There are three possibilities: either my calculations are wrong, I’ve set the bar for what counts too low (increasing the number of potential events), or I’m just very lucky.

What do you think?

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Simply the Best!

Guests at the wedding of my friends Anna and Adam. Simply the best!
Camera: Canon EOS 7D | Lens: EF-S17-85mm f/4-5.6 IS USM | Date: 24-09-2011 22:30 | ISO: 400 | Exp. bias: -2/3 EV | Exp. Time: 1/60s | Aperture: 5.6 | Focal Length: 68.0mm (~110.2mm) | Lens: Canon EF-S 17-85mm f4-5.6 IS USM

Not a lot to say about this one – it just made me giggle when I was reviewing the photos from a wedding I attended last weekend. Enjoy 🙂

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Please Don’t Shoot the Motorcyclists!

"Please don't shoot the motocyclists!" Road sign near Geysir, Iceland.
Camera: Canon EOS 7D | Lens: EF-S15-85mm f/3.5-5.6 IS USM | Date: 21-08-2011 17:17 | ISO: 100 | Exp. bias: 0 EV | Exp. Time: 1/50s | Aperture: 10.0 | Focal Length: 50.0mm (~81.0mm) | Location: Gullfoss | State/Province: South | See map | Lens: Canon EF-S 15-85mm f3.5-5.6 IS USM

´Nuff said…

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What’s in a Name?

I just had a bit of a scare. An app which tracks my Twitter activity informed me that “DignitasLtd” had started following me. Of course, I immediately thought of the Swiss clinic, and wondered what they knew that my doctor wasn’t telling me…

A little research later, and it transpires that @DignitasLtd is the Twitter handle of a software consultancy in the West Midlands. I haven’t confirmed it yet, but I suspect it may be someone I work with, or have worked with, at National Grid.

Panic over, but I wonder who else has this problem. Is there an @BadLuckAndTrouble or an @DeathAndDestruction out there?

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

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Ask A P’liceman

I think it was Will Hay who popularised the notion of added value timekeeping and navigational services from the forces of law and order. This doesn’t always work.

On Barbados recently, we were trying without much success to find Fisher Ponds Great House, a widely-recommended ex plantation house, now dining experience. This was not well signposted, and although we knew we were probably less than a mile away, we were getting progressively more lost.

Deciding to swallow my male pride, I spotted a police car heading towards us, and flagged it down. My request for directions drew an unusual reply: “sorry sir, I’m looking for that myself”. 🙂

Fortunately at this point Tonto rode to the rescue, in the form of a young lad on a bicycle, who when asked did know the way. So I followed the lad, and the cop followed us. At least, he did up to the point where he saw a sign and took the initiative. We followed the youngster, who directed us to the proper gate and earned $2. We were amused to see the policeman waiting at the locked back gate.

So if you want to know the way, don’t ask a p’liceman – find a bright lad on a bike!

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Beachy Head Dr,Bel Air,Barbados

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A$$hole Driven Development and Other Anti-Patterns

During a project management meeting today, I was driven to look for a reference to “Document Driven Development”, a great anti-pattern developed a few years ago by the Agile crowd, in order to emphasise the importance of working solutions, not documents, as the goal of IT projects. I was in for a few surprises…

Oddly, although the wonderful “Waterfall 2006” web site still exists, I couldn’t find DDD on it. So I checked with Google and found a couple of references to non-ironic (as far as I can tell) papers on the subject. Yes, some people seem to think that document-driven development is a good idea! Now I might be prepared to concede this for applications where documents are themselves the key business objects (some legal processes, for example), but as far as I can see this isn’t what those papers were referring to. If that’s the case, they really haven’t understood…

What I did find, however, was a wonderful blog post from a few years ago with the excellent title “Asshole Driven Development“, in which Scott Berkun has collected a wide variety of development and project management anti-patterns. It takes a while to read through all the comments, but doing so is quite rewarding, if mainly as a form of therapy. At least you know you’re not alone.

The list is pretty comprehensive, but despite over 300 contributions, I couldn’t see my own bête noir. A lot of large corporate organisations now seem to follow a governance methodology I term IAKOM (the “It’s A Knock Out Method”), known on the continent as la Methode Jeux Sans Frontieres (MJSF). Those of a certain age will remember a series of hilarious television games in which relatively simple tasks (such as carrying a bucket of water) were rendered impossible by the imposition of progressive handicaps and obstacles (such as carrying the bucket up a greased slope against a rubber bungy while wearing clown shoes and being pelted with wet sponges).

Some IT governance is like that. Just when you think you might have a fair run at doing something, a new governance hurdle or document check is inserted into the process. It wouldn’t be so bad if it all made sense, but sometimes it feels almost capricious. Some organisations are more enlightened than others, but as a general industry trend it’s inescapable.

I don’t know what the answer is. If you do, let me know!

See http://www.scottberkun.com/blog/2007/asshole-driven-development/
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Getting Wider?

Getting Wider!
Camera: Canon EOS 7D | Lens: EF-S15-85mm f/3.5-5.6 IS USM | Date: 20-11-2010 16:42 | ISO: 200 | Exp. bias: 0 EV | Exp. Time: 1/40s | Aperture: 10.0 | Focal Length: 42.0mm (~68.0mm) | Lens: Canon EF-S 15-85mm f3.5-5.6 IS USM

Frances always says I’m getting wider. I hope this doesn’t give her too much evidence. 🙂

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Photos from Sunny Crete!

Clouds gathering over the coastline, Crete
Camera: Canon EOS 7D | Lens: EF-S17-85mm f/4-5.6 IS USM | Date: 10-10-2010 14:40 | ISO: 200 | Exp. bias: -2/3 EV | Exp. Time: 1/800s | Aperture: 10.0 | Focal Length: 85.0mm (~137.7mm) | Lens: Canon EF-S 17-85mm f4-5.6 IS USM

We’ve just got back from our trip to Crete. Nice people, but the weather was a bit deficient considering this was supposed to be a “week in the sun” :(. Here’s an early version of what may be my best shot from the trip –  but I don’t expect to sell it for use in the tourism brochures!

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The Half Arsed Agile Manifesto

If you’re wondering why agile methods don’t work in your organisation, look no further than this. Very funny, but scarily accurate.

In the words of the Tao of Lao-Tsu, “If you want to control something, you must first let it go free”. Big organisations just don’t get this, because too many people want to hold onto their favourite control mechanism. Agility is a culture, and trying to do it inside a culture of formal control is very difficult. Occasionally you can succeed in spite of the controllers, and that’s a real achievement.

See http://www.halfarsedagilemanifesto.org/
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Hereinafter

We used to take the mickey out of Japanese user manuals for not being written very well. My favourite example was “engine not turning very round”, although sadly I suspect that may have been apocryphal.

Now, I think there’s a danger they are swinging the opposite way. Yesterday, in the manual for my new Canon 7D, I found a word I never expected to find in a camera user manual: “hereinafter”. Correctly used as well, but is this quite the language we expect of a user manual for the masses?

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A Confident Prediction

I have been mildly surprised at various recent articles on the web, expressing surprise that Windows 7 is so popular compared with Vista. This brings to mind the old saying “those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it”, and suggests to me that many of those commentators don’t know their history…

I remember the grand old days of Windows 3.0. This was Microsoft’s third attempt to deliver a window-based environment on the PC, and had a load of technical innovations which showed that this could at last be a reality. In practice, it was a bit flaky, with some enormous frustrations (does anyone else remember the old File manager?!!)

Then came Windows 3.1. This was solid, fast, and worked so well that some people are still using it.

Windows 95 introduced a radically overhauled architecture, with the object-oriented user interface we all know and love, and a much cleverer structure for common components like drivers and communication components. In practice, it was a bit flaky, with the odd enormous frustration.

Then came Windows 98. This was solid, fast, and worked so well that some people are still using it.

Is anyone else spotting a pattern here?

Windows 2000 introduced a load of technical innovations, merging the “NT” and “9x” code bases into a single workstation line and a separate server stream based on the same core. Interestingly, although this worked pretty well, I even caught Microsoft salesmen saying to corporate clients “there’ will be an update out next year – wait for that”.

That was Windows XP. This was solid, fast, and worked so well that some people are still using it. I still run it on my laptops, although the big beast now runs Windows 7 (and Frances’ laptop manages on Vista).

If you look at the history of other Microsoft products (Word, for example), you see the same pattern: an “architectural innovation” release, followed by two or three consolidation releases which build on the new architecture and make it stable. Any the reality is that the same is equally true for many other software suppliers – see my recent postings on Bibble for another example.

So here’s my threefold confident prediction:

  1. Windows 8 will introduce a load of new technology, which will move the world of computing on. It will also be full of frustrations and most people will hate it. The critics will pan it and explain that it’s the end of Microsoft and computing as we know it. There will generally be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth.
  2. As a result, some people will still be using Windows 7 in 2020. It wouldn’t surprise me if a few are still also using XP, 98 and 3.1!
  3. Windows 8.1/9 will be solid, fast and people will love it.

Don’t say I didn’t tell you!

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Word Grammar Checker – A Nicely Carribean Flavour

This may amuse you. I went to type “Here are my comments” (something I do fairly frequently), but mis-typed it as “Here are me comments”. Word correctly identifies this as incorrect grammar, with a green line under “are”. Right click, accept the suggestion, and “Here am me comments” is deemed perfectly acceptable… 🙂

Even better, “I and I own comments here man” is also deemed fine!

I may explore this further – be afraid, be very afraid…

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